Every morning i wake up with the thought of resigning from my job. It is not that i am not happy with my job but it is just that my workplace is a little far off from the place where i put up.Agar yahi job mere ghar ke peeche hota to kabhi bhi mera resign karne ka mood nahi banta.The second reason is that I have to wake up early (now that is necessary if you want to do a 9-6 job).third reason is that i want to get into something more creative.further there are several issues related to my job that really force me to think about resigning. well, that's another story will discuss it some other day.I am a person who loves doing craft. I have spent days together creating something new. Paintings, papier mache, origami, ceramics, flowers etc etc. Lately, I have been thinking that i will put up a stall of all the handmade items in the diwali fair at my office.but then again I am a little hesitant about it. The reason is my unsureity that whether some body will support me in this or not. Are people going to laugh at it. Society..ufff..we are so concerened about our neighbours/colleagues/distant relatives that we waste so much time thinking about them (ki ye kya sochega..wo kya kahega....) and not doing what would have actually make us and our dear ones happy. Further, I am also doing MBA so I will have to take exams also. I want to finish my MBA in the year 2009 itself. nahi to marksheet par 2010 ka stamp lag jayega means 3 years of MBA. but isme bhi to problem hai ki padhne ka mann nahi karta. office ke baad ghar jao khana banao..TV dekho so jao. Seeing me crib every day about the company's mismanaged transport, my husband had even suggested that I quit the job and relax at home.
I have a lot of things running through my mind. I am unable to decide on one. At one side I want to quit my job while on the other side I feel that quitting my job would snatch away my financial Independence. I will rot in the home everyday . i will have no reasons for buying new clothes, footwear. Taiyaar ho kar bahar jaane ka mauka bhi kabhi kabhi hi milega. I will not be updated of what's happening around me. No gossips, No friends, No group lunch. Nobody to compliment me for my new shoes. No praises for good job. I fear losing my sense of fashion. The reasons are endless.
i am fond of shopping (now being a girl who isn't). I love buying clothes,jewellery pieces and things that will make my home more beautiful.
I am always thinking of the ways that will beautify my home. I am always making new things for my home. I love buying things for my house. But as for the jewellery & clothes are concerned I might buy them but I dont why but i always regret buying them, later. Baad mein, I always think ki itne kapde already hai pata nahi maine maye kyo le liye.yaar ye artificial jewellery bhi original lagti hai pata nahi maine itne paise real gold/diamonds lene mein kyo phoonk diye. Similiar things keep hitting my mind and push me into a river of confusion & regret. Anyways human brains tend to forget things over time.Itne pachtaane ke baad kuch dino baad kuch bhi yaad nahi rehta and I am stuck in this vicious cycle of buying-regreting-forgetting-buying again.
kitna ajeeb hai na ki kabhi kabhi hum apne aap ko bhi nahi samajh paate..but well that is life and we have no other choice.
So when I say saoking in this life I mean I am still trying to understand my own self. I am still undergoing the phenomenon of self-discovery and exploring my relationship to this world. Trying to absorb the fact that each one of us is just a single grain within the heap of millions.
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